The first person I came out to was a girl I liked at the time. And I did really like her. It was never going to work between us but I remained as hopeful as ever. I told her I was bisexual and she accepted it. We were remaining friends until we eventually stopped talking and our lives got in the way, and that was fine.
I struggled telling people whilst at university because I’m not comfortable in sharing my emotions with other people. But I also struggled with figuring out what label I was. I knew I wasn’t straight but I wasn’t fully gay, I still had crushes on some girls but not everyone, and whenever I got close to a guy, I just wanted to kiss them. A feeling I’ve been restraining myself for many years.
The thought of being bisexual was confusing. It’s a label that is associated with many things but never true acceptance. There’s the hope, hope that he’ll choose the right gender when dating people. The greed, of not choosing a gender and just wanting everyone. The decisions, being picky over who you want to be with. The uncertainty of whether or not he’ll change his mind partway through. What do you look for, who will be next? It’s not a choice! This isn’t something I decided.
Currently I date guys. I come out to people as gay but I am bisexual. It’s strangely easier this way but I’m not sure I’ll ever date a woman again. Despite sometimes having feelings or crushes on some. Very few, but sometimes. Being gay is a defined label and whilst there spare still many who choose not to accept that, being bisexual appears to be harder to understand. I know who I am, and I’d love to live in that world with no labels, but this is the world we have. From the lyrics of one of my favourite songs, “it’s not about who you love, but how you live.”